Follow by Email

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

you, me and Patch Adams

I am stunned. Heartbroken. Shocked. Dismayed. And yet I can't help but think... 

if the demons were too strong for Robin Williams to fight... what makes me think that I, me, Nicci, am going to be strong enough to wage this war?

He had access to much more help than I ever will. Or so... I hope he did. But maybe his demons were stronger. He left behind a family. He left behind a legacy. He left behind a story and raised some eyebrows and I think he woke people up. 

Did he wake YOU up? are YOU thinking about mental illness and depression and suicide awareness now? are YOU listening? 

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!

I used to sit back and wonder what it was gonna take for people to open their eyes to depression and suicide and everything that went along with it. I think people are finally going to start talking. No. I don't think they are. They are. 

I was listening to Jeff and Amanda on KRZ today and they talked about it for a good 45 minutes. I was in tears. People were texting, calling and emailing them with their stories. Jeff was talking about his sister's depression. People are starting to talk. My friend, my newfound spoonie, he's my new soldier and we're going into battle together. At least, that's how we're looking at things. It's like no one around us understands what we're going through. And, we try talking to our friends, everyone says, talk to me, I'm here for you but, are you really there for me? Some of you say you are but, then I feel like I'm being blown off. Having a soldier who's actually waging this same war with me, we're leaning on each other. Crying together, sending each other spoons, getting on each other's nerves. It's kinda nice. Now DON'T think for ONE SECOND that I don't need YOU, too! Because I DO! I NEED my friends. I NEED my family. I need people by my side. So does he. People need other people. Everybody needs somebody. Haven't you figured that part out yet? We can't fight our demons on our own. Wars can't be fought alone. That's how we crash and burn. 

We also must not stay silent. The issues of suicide and mental illness and depression NEED to be talked about! Lives are being lost. People are afraid to talk about things. I think it might be because when they do reach out, people don't know what to say and then they just get blown off or abandoned. 

Here's what I have to say to those who don't know what to say:

If you think you don't know what to say, SO WHAT!!!! You're being reached out to because this person loves you and NEEDS you! SAY SOMETHING! SAY ANYTHING! SAY I LOVE YOU! SAY YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING! SAY WHAT'S WRONG? SAY TALK TO ME! SAY I'M HERE FOR YOU! SAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER? SAY WHAT CAN I DO? SAY ANYTHING!!!!!

There are PLENTY of things to say. Just PICK UP THE PHONE!!! CALL HIM OR HER BACK! TEXT BACK! DO NOT IGNORE THE PERSON! ALWAYS TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY! SUICIDE IS NEVER A JOKE!!! DO YOU HEAR ME NOW!?!

 I think the excuse of not knowing what to say is a bullshit one. I don't care what mood I'm in or what I'm doing, if you need me or if you're depressed or thinking about ending it, I WILL BE THERE. CALL ME. TEXT ME. COME TO ME. I AM HERE AND I WILL TALK TO YOU. YES I am going through my own stuff and dealing with my own demons and depression but that doesn't mean I can't be there for someone else and help talk someone off a ledge. In fact, I actually think that it makes me more aware because I'm dealing with the same stuff I wouldn't want someone else do be going through what I'm going through so I'd try and help them out of it. 

PLEASE REACH OUT. PLEASE. 

WAKE UP PEOPLE. THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE AND NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH. 

I really hope that Robin's Legacy lives on and that his memory lives forever. He was a true genius and touches millions of people. I also hope that people look at his death and see his struggle and that people start talking and reaching out. 

know that I am here. reach out to ME. talk to ME. and if I can talk to YOU let me know. Unless you're Lissa because, that's given ;) You've saved me once pretty girl, I know that you'll continue to save me time after time.