Friday, August 25, 2017

i'm more. not less.

what part of "i am not my illness" are you not comprehending?

no, serioulsy. i'd really like to know.

i HAVE a disease. IT DOES NOT FUCKING HAVE ME!

i don't know how many times i have to reiterate that effing point!

will there be days where i cannot get out of bed, were i feel lie complete and absolute garbage? yes.

will there be days where i feel as though i can dance in the clouds and sparkle stardust everywhere? FUCK YES.

more and more i am riding mothereffing unicorns and shooting rainbow darts at anyone who walks past me, but yall have to realize, when a bad day comes, IT IS NOT GOING TO LAST FOREVER! IT IS NOT GOING TO DESTROY ME! I WILL NOT LET IT!!!

have we not been playing this game long enough to not realize i own this shit? my crown has yet to fall, so stop acting like it's going to!

yeah. i can be in bed for a week. i get it. but stop making it out to be the biggest deal in the world! speak to me like a person. treat me with the respect i deserve. i'm winning this war. have faith in me. i've had faith in every.single.one. of you for all of your accomplishments, all of your battles, how about you do me a solid and do the same for me? i'm smiling through all of this pain. i am pushing for it. i wouldn't trade any of my good days for the shitstorms that follow.

so please. don't discredit me. when i tell you i can do something. stop telling me i can't. don't ever tell me i can't. don't tell me something is a bad idea. i know my body and my health better than any single one of you, i've proven that over the last 7 years, longer in fact. i know my limits. if i think i can't handle something, i won't do it. i'm not a moron. the more someone tells me i can't accomplish something or that it's not good for me or that i won't be good at it, guess what? i'm gonna do my damnedest to prove you wrong.

so do us both a favor, and either support me, or sit back and watch me soar.

you can either fly with me or you can get left behind. the choice is yours. [i really hope you choose the first one.]

i'm not writing this to upset anyone. i don't know how else to get any of it out. i'm so frustrated and so upset and so angry and just so... so tired of feeling like i'm less. because i'm not less. i'm so much more. i'm more than i feel i'm being given credit for.

so, i apologize if this comes off as harsh but, this is me. being real. and not breaking something.