you know those butterflies you get in your stomach when you meet someone pretty incredible? those are fun. the sparks. the chemistry. all of that. it feels like high school all over again. i love that feeling. i'm all about those feelings.
and thanks to the internet, i get to experience those feelings. more than i'd like to. you see, thanks to online dating, the thrill of meeting someone and wondering what could happen and pursuing that person and the possibility of a relationship... DIES. it just does. why you may ask? BECAUSE IT'S A FREAKING COMPETITION. oh. i like you. let's hold hands and kiss and talk about what could happen with us. but ooh look. that one has bigger boobs or a flatter stomach or a better job or isn't sick or has blonde hair or blue eyes or is more exotic or has something that you don't and BAM it's on to the next one. there is no such thing as monogamy in the online dating world. no no. it's all about how many chicks you can score at once. you date as many people at one time as you can. why bother pursuing ONE person that you've connected with when,you might just find someone better?
i guess i'm old school. i feel that, if you've connected with someone, you should put the others aside and actively pursue that ONE person and see where things go with them. what's the point of being with all of the others? is it really all just a game? are we really that disgusting? my mom says i don't give people enough chances. and, maybe that's true. but honestly, why should i? when i find out that you're seeing other people, i feel like i should take myself out of the equation because i don't want to have to compete with someone else for your attention. that's not how i do things. if you want to be with me, then BE WITH ME. don't be with me and everyone else. i don't need an std. and no, i don't sleep around. if we're in a relationship. then you get the benefits of all that goes with it. but honestly, i think i'm not even gonna kiss a guy unless he's serious about me, no matter how good it feels. i mean, i kiss them because i want to see if we have that chemistry but with kissing comes feelings and do i really want to open my self up to any of that? when he's just in it for the gratification? act like a lady, think like a man. i think i need to start putting my money where my mouth is. and then, when a guy shows interest and when i think i can trust him, i let him in and he turns out to be a total douchey douche. so, what do i do? we're not supposed to let our past precede us, but doesn't it? don't we base all of our decisions on past experiences? i know that i'm an open book and tend to trust people too easily, but when i try and be an ice queen, i only end up hurting myself and possibly missing out on something wonderful. so where do i draw the line? this whole thing is confusing. i hate dating. i really wish that we were born with a card that told us who we were born to be with and when. the rest of the stuff wouldn't matter. it would cut out so much heartache and drama. *sigh* i guess it's more game playing for now. but honestly, i'm ready to just say goodbye.
