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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

sickness does not equal laziness!

its been awhile since ive ranted... so im overdue... ready? goooooo!!!!!!

I AM SICK NOT LAZY! SICK NOT LAZY... SICK NOT LAZY!

are you hearing me yet? really? are you sure? let me try again...

SICK NOT LAZY. SICK NOT LAZY. SICK NOT LAZY. 

one more time.

SICK NOT LAZY! SICK NOT LAZY! SICK NOT LAZY!!!

ok. so, now that i've got your attention...

i would love to go running with you.. oh wait no... no i wouldn't. not at all. 

i would love to go hiking with you. yes, that i would enjoy. well go with that one. that's more my thing. and walking. id love to walking. or hiking. or dancing. id love love LOVE to go dancing. mmhmm. just dance the night away, be it under the stars, or in the club or the beach... ooo the beach... yes... that. how i miss the beach... just running through the waves, laying under the hot sun and sweating... walking away with raccoon eyes and beautifully sunkissed skin... *sigh* but that's not happening anytime soon. why? oh right. because i cant handle too much sunshine because it makes me SICK. i get pukey and headachey and dizzy and then i have to lay in air conditioning and dark and quiet because i cant handle much after that...

and what else... and i would so love to go to an AMUSEMENT park with you... ride the rides, feel my stomach in my throat... but i cant do that either. i mean, i can, ive been semi cleared, but my body cant handle that either. not too much. i can do a roller coaster or two but... i cant do too much walking... or too much sun. and youd have to be willing to walk slow with me. but what fun is that? who wants to walk slow?

oh, and did i mention... IM BROKE?! i kinda think some of you forget that... I HAVE NO MONEY!!!! sure, ive been living off a teensy bit of money from the state. ive been penny-pinching and making it stretch and saving for when i really wanna do something... but that ends... TODAY. why? oh right. i got that wonderful letter stating that, "you no longer qualify because the state is ending general assistance unless you have children or are pregnant". therefore... im stuck. so... as if being home wasnt bad enough bc i cant really afford to go anywhere as it is...

*sigh* at least its summer, and i have a pool... and, well... i do have some pretty awesome friends who come and spend time with me at my house. or at the doctors. or i go there. and we just do nothing. which is nice. but man oh man... not having money... kinda shows you alot...

this is just fucking ridiculous!

oh, and yeah. i know. cant isnt in my vocabulary or whatever. but guess what... IT IS! and that's ok. because i have limitations now, and i am accepting that. and you should too. 

just because there are things im not doing, or because im home watching tv, or im sleeping or not talking or whatever, it doesnt mean im fucking lazy dumbass. im sick. and if you choose not to see that, jump off a cliff without a parachute, k? :)

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