wowza!

just... wow!

there must be some craziness going on in the universe this week... people are either completely cracked or completely wonderful... or life is just beautiful!

i've had an outpouring of stupidity and love in my life this past week. the day i went to the dentist, wednesday  i believe it was. i was a wreck. it was just a bad cushie day. i didnt feel good. i was depressed. i was mad. i was crying. i was just angry at the world, and certain people. and feeling let down. so anyway, i get there, and i decide to question the dentist. i say, why didnt you tell me i had a mass on my jaw? why didnt you tell me i needed to see an oral surgeon to get a scraping to see if i had cancer? he said, where did you get that from? i would have told you if i saw something. i told him, the hygienst told me that the last time i was here. he said, another hygeinst playing doctor. he apologized for her behavior and said that he would have told me that if there was something there he would have said something to me. bring on the water works. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!? he told me i was fine, but since i had something in my head for so long, that i should get a second opinion just to calm my nerves.
so we went through the fillings process. apparently i had been in so much pain bc the cavity was so deep it was almost touching my nerve, so bring on the novacane.

i ended up NOT going to karaoke that night bc of the amount of pain i was in. and i was miserable. and then, i was talking to a friend of mine, who said, heck with going to the bar tonight, want me to come over... really? who does that? i dont think any of my friends have ever volunteered to do that... ever. ive had people say theyd spend time with me before or after... but never skip it completely. ive always been second fiddle. always. and that... really touched my heart. i turned down the offer. i felt like crap and wanted to go to bed. but i was really touched.

and i did have oodles of people checking on me.
and i did have some quality bdwag chat time, which we havent had in a long time
and i even made plans to have lunch with noah bc i had my philly day on thursday...
we didnt get to have lunch, of course. because... well... philly doctors have no concept of time! it's all good though. another day

did find out im still tumor free! it hasnt grown back! what a relief! was i having anxiety attacks? oh yes i was!

and then some guy tried to pick me up. that was... flattering and weird and gross at the same time. haha. apparently i have the cushiegirl swagg. thats what im calling it anyway.

but we did see sunflowers after we got the news. yay grandpa!

:)

and what else... then ivory came over and that always makes me happy

oh and the lawyer called and apparently social security has all my stuff so i get to go bug them next week

and today is mixtape with wifey! kelly clarkson, nkotb, dj pauly d, the fray, carolina liar, aaron carter... woohoo! what a way to celebrate!

and lissas cd came out this week, and its absolutely fabulous!

and ive had lots of faerie visits

and my drawing is improving

and i won a reading, that i forgot i entered

and my nail design is improving

and... just... wowza!

what a great couple of days i tell ya!!

:D

people really need to start focusing on what they have and not what they dont, im sayin, things are alot better that way. i may not have all my sight or all my health, but what i do have is pretty amazing. and the people who have left my life have made it better. i dont care for the people who keep letting me down. buh bye. its nice cutting those chords. inner peace is a beautiful thing. smiling for real, not smiling to please other people or to make people think im ok is wonderful. being honest with myself is wonderful, ask me how im doing, and i will tell you. the word fine is not really in my vocabulary. so dont ask me unless you really want to know. i dont sugarcoat :)

be blessed!