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Saturday, August 11, 2012

wrong much?

it seems like everything i do is wrong.
every fucking thing.

i cant help that im still fucking sick. i didnt ask for any of this to happen. sometimes i think people think i like the fact that im sick. i like the fact that i cant work. i like the fact that im sitting here doing NOTHING because i fucking cant. im sitting here, typing this trying not to fucking cry. oh, because everything is peaches and fucking cream, right? right.

fuck you. seriously. fu uh uhhhhhhhhk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i try my damnedest to stay positive and cheery. and i do. because im blessed. i have a good fucking life. i have a lot to be thankful for.

so STOP TRYING TO BRING ME THE FUCK DOWN!

im so fucking sick of everyones negativity!

you dont like my hair? suck my nonexistant dick

you dont like the way i look? fuck you.

dont like the way i drive? dont ride with me. walk.

dont like me? then go. there's the fucking door.

im tired of people trying to make me feel like shit for who i am and what im dealing with. as if my life isnt hard enough!? do you have ANY idea what its like to be me? any clue? reading about cushings isnt LIVING with it. i dont fucking care if you're JESUS. you have NO IDEA what it's like. i don't even think GOD fully understands it. that's right. i said it. put me in a room with HIM. ill call him out. i dont think he gets it.

i dont know that people are TRYING to make me feel bad, but they are succeeding! i dont have money. i know this. but must you remind me every single day? why do you think im alone all the time? i try and go out on my own, but its hard because everything requires money. EVERYTHING!!!
cant go to the movies bc i have to pay for a ticket.
i CAN go to karaoke bc i only drink water :) and my group that i go with, if i want a drink, they take care of me, which is nice.
i do have a good group of friends. i dont ask to go places. i dont ask anyone to buy me anything. i dont NEED anything. i really dont. i just like to be in good company. i enjoy laughter. and dancing. i love love LOVE to dance. and we found a great place to go dancing that has NO cover. and we pretty much all drink water, which is FREE anyway... <3

so... while i get made to feel like garbage because i dont bring in any money, and some people dont want to spend time with me because i dont have any money and cant do the things that they like to do...

i have amazing people around me who don't care that i have nothing. because i have me. i have a heart of gold. i have laughter. i have a smile. i have me. and that's enough for them. and that's enough for me, too. because ya know what? i AM enough. and that's a beautiful thing.

2 comments:

  1. A-fucking-men, sister. We did not ask for this and we have to work twice as hard to accomplish things that others take for granted! I'm lucky when I can get out of bed in the morning, ya know?

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  2. This is a wonderful story that I hope touches your heart the way it touched mine. Here it is... http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

    It changed my life :)

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