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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

don't cry to me argentina

the truth is i don't want to hear it.

well, ok. so i don't mind hearing about what's wrong. but seriously? do something about it. and if you're not gonna, shut up. it's as simple as that.

there comes a point in life where you have to realize that the crap that's happening to you... you kinda bring on yourself.

the way i see it... when i was going through the same problem over and over and over again. and nothing was changing... one day it just kinda hit me. like... maybe I was the problem. or ok, it wasn't me, but it was my approach. the situation was just shitty and i was accepting shittiness to keep happening. so what did i need to do? change the situation. i needed to stop accepting crap and start demanding more. and when the more wasn't coming, i needed to put on my brass bra and go titties to the wall and do it MY way. and if whomever was in the situation didn't like it, BYEBYE. this is NICCI'S WORLD. it's about ME. and MY HAPPINESS. i needed to put my feelings, my emotions, my self-worth first. if i'm crying and miserable, what good is that doing me, or those around me? NEWSFLASH!!! it's not doing any good!!

i've started cutting people out of my life. not started, i started that a while ago. i guess since it's almost the end of 2012, i'm noticing that since it's been 6 months or maybe longer without these people... i don't miss them... AT ALL. hell, it's been less than that for some and i don't miss them... and i don't know. is that sad? i had thought that they were such an important part of my life, that i wouldn't be able to get on without them... but here i am. i'm living, i'm breathing, i'm smiling and i'm doing just fine. what is sad, is that some of them are family. but what i've come to realize, family isn't always your bloodline. which is fine. i actually learned that years ago. my uncle on my mom's side is the biggest douchebag ever. seriously. if i died tomorrow, i wouldn't want him at my funeral. in fact, i'd want someone making sure he wasn't allowed to see my casket. and i mean that. and that goes for his wife and his kids. fuck them. all of them :) they're not my family. they're people who share my bloodline.

but yeah. it's been a year since i've seen or spoken to some people, and i don't know why they would still consider me a friend. wouldn't that just make us aquaintances? i don't miss you. you miss me? well... you should. i'm freaking amazing.

and don't contact me because you want something. seriously? what's wrong with you. i'm not gonna help you. i'm not gonna give it to you. and if i DO have what you need, you really think that i'm gonna help you out? why, because i'm a good, loving, wonderful person? you're right. i am all of those things. but please, tell me what you've done to deserve any of my awesomeness? that's what i thought.

i can only do so much. and i'm ready to rip my hair out. people come to me for advice because, as i've been told i'm 'refreshingly brutally honest'. so... if you're not happy with what i'm saying, don't ask me. especially don't ask me more than once. because my answer won't change. and if it does, it may get more harsh. i'm all about solving problems with love and trying to come up with a happy solution, but sometimes... a person just needs a slap in the face.

they say that the 'faults' we see in others are our own. so, i think i get frustrated when my friends are treated like garbage because, for so long, i was treated like garbage. so maybe, i do see my flaws in others. i don't want to see them being treated the way that i was, when i know that they deserve better, and i know that they know it, too.

too often we accept so much less than we deserve.

and let's talk about this no strings attached sex, shall we? when the hell did this become ok? i'm no angel, i've partaken. but good lord! more and more babies are havin babies! there are wayyyyyyyyyy too many babies without daddies. too many babies without mommies AND daddies. too many babies in need of adoptive homes, too many kids growin up in foster care. WRAP IT THE FUCK UP IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT ASSHOLE!

i'm prochoice. so, do what you want with your body. i don't care.

but if you're going to choose to have the baby, choose to take care of it!

i can't physically have kids, because of cushing's, now... but my goodness...

unless i can. that's something i was wondering. maybe i'm watching too much general hospital. i wonder if there's a procedure or something... but my eggs are probably bad.. and that's depressing.

right. the whole no sex in the champagne room. when did we become so ok with this whole no self-worth thing? aren't our bodies supposed to be temples? shouldn't we be worshipping them? why not let ONE person worship it, a person whom we love and cherish? not a kajillion wham-bam-thank-you-maam peeps! who knows where they have been? yeah, we're all gonna be with more than one person. but how bout, we're in a relationship before we hop into bed with the next guy or girl. let's value ourselves. let's value one another. let's stop overpopulating the planet. we keep talking about spaying and neutering dogs and cats because there aren't enough homes for them... take a look around you. there aren't enough homes for all the children out there. it's sad on both occasions.

and love.

let's start spreading more love, shall we? if you know me, you know that i believe in love more than anything else. i believe that love, above all things, can conquer any and everything! it is the light that the darkness most fears. it will make the ugly beautiful. romantic love, family love, friendship love... it's all beautiful. so spread it. tell someone you love them. and if you can't tell someone, show them. actions speak much louder than words, don't you think?

so don't cry to me, don't  cry for me, cry with me.

and wipe those tears away with a tissue of love. because love is the only answer.

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