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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

over and out

i am really ready to just be done with everything.

it's like whatever i say is wrong.

whatever i do is wrong.

some people don't believe that i'm really sick. what more do i have to do? really? 3 brain surgeries aren't enough? a chronic illness isn't enough? bedrest for most of september isn't enough?

what about the fact that i haven't been leaving my house? how about the fact that i've been pretty completely silent? does the fact that you haven't heard my voice or seen my face worry you in the least bit? it seems that it hasn't. and that worries me, or well... no. no it doesn't anymore. i'd say it angers me, but it doesn't even do that anymore. i've fallen so far deep into this darkness that all i really feel is numb and sad. and sad and numb. and all i really want to do is cry and sleep and cry and sleep and maybe... just maybe drive my car into a tree. or into a ditch. or off a bridge. maybe. but then, you probably wouldn't notice if i was gone, would you.

no, this isn't a cry for help. because, i wouldn't really do it. just stating how i've been feeling. and i've been feeling this way for quite a long time now.

it all came to surface last wednesday. i had a complete breakdown.

fuck it. i can't even type anymore.

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