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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

your pictures here... but you are not...

i did some decorating today, until my rib starting hurting, like alot. and i saw some pictures in frames... pictures of people who i thought i could never picture my life without, the friends who i thought would be here forever... and they're not. they're not dead... but they may as well could be...

i dont know what happened, but it is kind of heartbreaking. it's like... i dont know. there was a time in our lives where we were inseperable. when our friendship could conquer anything. when it was 'chicks before dicks' or 'hoes before bros'... when did that rule stop applying?

i guess i dont really have much to say about the topic... just that it's kinda sad...

hm. oh well.

and i went through some things and found a bag full of old notes from high school- old boyfriends, old friends, people i couldn't care less about.

apparently i made boys fall in love with me... found a lot of 'ill love you forever' from different blokes. lol. and the most recent ex... ha. i shoulda known he was gay back then. actually... we all kinda thought he was. he's either bangin some guy or his mom. or banging his mom and imagining some guy, or banging some guy and imagining his mom. seriously, i never saw a more creepy/.disgusting/scary relationship in my life... OR a more holier than thou shrine to a guy... who he claims he only liked his acting... yet said actor was shirtless... and then there was 'if i were gay id do some crazy things to that man'... what STRAIGHT guy talks like that?! haha. no. im not bitter, i just find it funny.... but i guess when you're lying to yourself (meaning me) and trying to pretend someone is who they're not... ya kinda disregard the red flags. oh well. not this time.

i have my ups and downs but i do have a rather good life. i feel like shit and this whole rib thing hurts like a bitch. only me, right? i can't break a rib, no no. i have to seperate the cartilage from the rib. dont know what that means? picture ribs, like the ones u eat. and ripping the meat off... yeah. that's my body right now. im also on a nebulizer now, to help with the breathing. because it still hurts. alot. but not all the time. i told the lady at the medical supply place that i was officially that geeky kid from hs: the canes, the glasses and now the nebulizer. she looked around and said, where is this geeky girl? all i see is beautiful. aww. im not sure how i feel about my neb. its really loud and kinda makes me dizzy. but it made the breathing easier so... idk

the emotions have been up and down. i cried alot the other day. im not even sure why.... it's just that every little thing that coujld upset me, did. everything that could go wrong, did. everyone who could piss me off , did.

i think i just need to start shutting people out. and shutting up. i just want to say :if you dont want my opinion, dont ask for it. and if u ask for it, dont get mad when i say something u dont want to hear. you're my friend/family/whatever. you know i tell it like it is. so get over it when i tell u how it is.

maybe ill just shut up. and stick to blogging.

and people need to get over their facebook drama. seriously. i have more couth than most of you bitches. if i have a problem with u, ill come to u. i wont come at u in a fb post. like seriously? grow the fuck up.

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