Follow by Email

Monday, January 30, 2012

no more sacrificing

Done. I'm done.

Why should I put my health at risk just to please people? I WANT to be able to do everything we used to do, but I can't. I'm still allergic to cats. Still allergic to cigarette smoke, just more.

I spent ALL DAY yesterday in bed. My head hurt like I had just had surgery. My chest felt like it was caving in and my throat felt like it was closing. It was the WORST I have felt in a very long time. I was on pain killers, on my nebulizer, sleeping, I couldn't even eat anything- which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. All I could do was sleep and cry and ice my head and keep the room dark and put my clothes far far away. I even sprayed my hair with downy wrinkle release bc of how smokey I was! Hell, when I blew my nose... it was black...

I can't do it anymore. And I won't. And if I'm offending people, too bad. I shouldn't put my health at risk just to make others feel good. It sucks that we can't spend time together because I can't be around smoke or cats. The rash I had was terrible. But... such is life.

I feel better today, so that's a good thing. Made some hair bows, lots of them actually. Lookin forward to superbowl sunday, not that i really care... but im spending time with awesome people. pizza, wings, ice cream cake... me n my girl might dip out and play board games while the boys act a fool. i do plan on rockin my uncles patriots jersey though...

im sleeping alot lately. either i cant stop sleeping, or i cant sleep. there's no happy medium. im meeting with the psychiatrist on wednesday, hopefully shell give me something that will help, and also help shut me up.

im just so sick of people. i kind of like this whole hermit thing. i mean, im doing well being out an about with others, and getting better at large groups of people, but its like... i just wanna scream at so many people. they're just... accepting way less than they deserve, or making poor judgements. but i guess, everyone gets to live the way they want. and they have to deal with the consequences of those decisions. im done giving my opinion. so if u ask for it, expect to get everything you didn't want to hear. because im not gonna sugarcoat. i never really have. its not my thing. but, i wont offer up any words unless im asked. itll save us both.

and im tired of attempting to maintain friendships, which ive said over and over again. but ive reached out. done random acts of kindness... and u seem to be a dick. im not here to feed your ego, so get over yourself.

annnnnnnnnnd......... im sure theres more but my rib hurts and im tired.

No comments:

Post a Comment