oh my word...

shuuuuuuuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

ever heard the phrase, 'if u cant say anything nice, then DONT say anything at all'?! seriously. shut up. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand how some people can just live in such misery ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! living your life in the depths of despair isn't healthy for anyone. it's not healthy for the person living it OR the people who are around you! ugh. I WAS feeling great this morning, and then BAM. the negativity plus the barium that's still trying to leave my system = a very sick cole! NO BUENO! like im not in enough pain as it is!

my stomach hurts. my back hurts. my nose hurts. i cant stop running to the bathroom. my head is spinning. i feel weak. i feel nauseas. i wanna puke allllllll the time. im wobbly. ive been having trouble grasping onto things. ive had people hurt my feelings. ive had people be malicious to me. ive had THREE brain surgeries. ive lost sight in my right eye. i have a scar on my head from my forehead to the base of my neck! i cant fit into my clothes. im not 'cured'. i care too much for people. i take on the problems of others. i wear my heart on my sleeve. my mom just had cancer. my friend died.

amd i sitting here playing the victim? NOPE. and i never will either! there's a reason im still here and im so sick of people depending on others to be happy. its YOUR life. YOU have to make the concious choice to be happy or not. and if you choose not, DONT try and drag me down with you.

cry a river. build a bridge. and walk yourself on over it. should you happen to fall off the bridge... DO NOT call me. i WILL NOT save you. it's not my job. i've done my good deed. ive listened. offered advice. but you CHOOSE misery. therefore... keep it. because that misery will NOT get my company!

*sigh*
anyhoo... i went to the drs on tuesday bc of how sick i had been. and u know what the dumdum asked me? what are you going to do now that you're cured. cured? who said that? sorry lady, do some research. yeah... not going back to her...

im tired of forgetting things all the time. some days its worse than others, but lately the forgetfulness has been coming on alot more. sometimes im finding it harder to pull myself back together. i know its going to get better. it always does. id just like to remember some things...

facebook has this new timeline feature, and at first i didnt want to deal with it. but ive been playing around... and my goodness. i sure am a positive princess lol. just about ALL of my statuses had something uplifting in them, even if i was bitchy at the beginning.

like i said... smile through the pain :)