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Monday, October 24, 2011

what a journey

so... im 28 now. as of the 22nd and i got to spend an awesome birthday weekend with my amazing family. im telling u, im truly blessed.

i finally felt healthy enough to drive down to cape may BY MYSELF! it was exciting, i wasnt scared at all! there's just something about taking that trip that heals me... and i hadn't even gotten to the beach yet! such craziness... but i made it. :) and my cousins blew up my phone til i got there. it was so nice to be around my family.
and then the craziness of the ex happened. and i almost ended up going to the hospital. freaking cushings. my cortisol skyrocketed and i almost blacked out. i did collapse. that was exciting, but my cousins were there to take care of me. this disease sucks. stress makes me so sick. i get dizzy, black out, fall over, throw up... it's a good time let me tell you!
i ended up sleeping forever from friday- saturday. but i didnt wanna lose any time with my fam so i tried to need as little rest as possible... yeah, that worked. i ended up falling asleep crazy early on saturday. which i needed. and im exhausted today. exhausted, sore, cranky, headachey, nauseas... great day. but im meeting with the disability attorney later to appeal the denial... apparently im not 'sick enough'... yeah. that's because people know NOTHING about my flippin disease. oh well. im gonna raise awareness. we need to... i dont like that this disease is known as a silent killer. so not cool.

but i am blessed. and things are going to get better. they always do. and im not scared. Everything happens for a reason. and there's a reason I'm still here. I may not know why right now... but I will. He has a plan for me. whether it's to be a patient advocate, an event planner, a painter, a candle maker, a cushie awareness raiser, a writer... He has plans for me, and I'm excited to be on this journey, even though some days I just want to die, there are brighter days ahead.

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