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Monday, October 31, 2011

a happier blog... sort of

so, yesterday, my friend mark told me i needed to smile. because it's not worth it to frown. and he's right. but im still feeling annoyed and angry. so i got a new mug today. and no one is allowed to use it

why? because this is how ive been feeling EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past few weeks. it's up and down and up and down. i have been working on things that make me happy... spending time with my sister, sleeping for more than 2 hours at a shot... im kinda lookin forward to the lil brats comin to the door in costume tonight. i like the cute ones, not the scary creepy slutty ones. i love halloween, it's a day to pretend to be someone you're not. im actually tempted to put on my eye patch, since i cant see out of my right eye anyway... why not be a pirate princess or something? i have horns too... oh decisions, decisions.

i keep getting asked if im going to write a book, and i think i might... it's just too bad i can't focus long enough to do it. but maybe... maybe this week ill start it. i have to start painting again. i need to get out of this funk, but all i wanna do is sleep. if im sleeping, im not having anxiety attacks. if im sleeping im not feeling sick. if im sleeping... im shutting out the rest of the world, and not allowing anyone to hurt me.

and people keep asking how im doing with the break up. honestly? im not sad. at. all. i kinda thought i would be. but, how can u miss someone who was never really there anyway? right? the relationship died long before we spoke the words. and im glad hes out of my life. him and his crazy family. seriously. creepers.

so yeah. today's been kind of a blah/bummy day. but id rather that then to be freaking out.

thursday we get the results of my mri. if u had asked me what i thought the outcome would be 2 weeks ago, id say radiation was successful. today? eh... im not so convinced.

what am i most looking forward to about getting healthy? moving to cape may. getting a house. with crabcake. or at least my own house. and he can have a room there. i can't wait to be healthy enough to get away from here and start over. and REALLY start over. fresh. clean. forget all the jacktards around here who do nothing but bring me down. seriously. so over the fake people. now only if they would get over themselves!

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