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Thursday, April 19, 2012

brain surgery-bringing people together since...

day 18 baybee.

dont ask me how im functioning right now, because i honestly have NO flippin clue. im so exhausted from yesterday, i legit slept 20 hours straight. and then random naps here and there. ill be going back to bed shortly.

ok, so i gave in to the fatigue and went to sleep. so let's attempt day 18 again, shall we?

bringing people together...

ok. so, before i got sick, my grandfather (moms dad) was really sick. he had been sick for quite some time. the drs never could figure out what was wrong. oh wait, the assholes did figure it out- gave him a diagnosis of esophogeal cancer FOUR HOURS before he died. they always said he was making it up, or it was all in his head or that he wasnt in pain where he said he was... fucking idiots. its because of how sick he got, that my mom became such a patient advocate and wouldnt take the doctors answers for either of us.

anyway. there had been a nice falling out in our family when he passed. my mom and her sister had always been super close. and then... things happened and they stopped talking. i developed the fuck you mindset. like seriously? and then i got sick. really sick.

so i did what any bitchy kid would do. sent this text message :so, i have a brain tumor and am having brain surgery in 2 days. you might want to call your sister.

sweet right? well... i honestly didnt think she even deserved to know, after the way she treated my mom. but turn the other cheek right? grandpa wouldnt want everyone at odds, hed want everyone to come together.

so my aunt asked me what was going on. and all my responses were, call your sister. text your sister. i wasnt going to say anymore. i didnt need her to be there for me. my mom needed her. my mom was falling apart in front of me, and that was not something i was prepared for. my mom was trying to be strong for me. my dad was trying to be strong for me. and all anyone really was, was scared. i think i held it together pretty well. i didnt break down until i hit the beach.

everybody needs somebody... and BAM. it took some time, but my being sick kind of forced them to rebuild their relationship...

you're welcome :)

as for the bitchy texts... i did that to more than one person...

i was tired of being treated like crap. and watching my friendships fall apart. why the hell do i have to be the one to hold them together? so i decided i didnt want to do that anymore.

as most of you know, i broke my foot and thats how they found the tumor. so i got a text from a friend saying, hows my favorite gimp?

my response? you mean the gimp with the brain tumor who needs emergency surgery? that gimp? oh she's fine...

that's all it took for that friendship to go back to the awesomeness that it once was. now it feels like it's kind of falling apart again but... shes married and pregnant and im still sick so... really... why make time? right? she has her own life. and that's fine. something im getting used to...

im really getting used to this being alone thing... hmm... i guess i see day 19...

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