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Friday, April 20, 2012

day 20... 4/20... let's all get high...

juuuuuuuuuuust kidding!!!

haha. but let's use todays challenge to talk about medications, shall we? and getting high, on life that is.

as needed:
dilauded- for pain
tylenol w/ codeen- for pain/headaches
ativan- before bed, as needed for anxiety
bentyl- stomach
zofran-stomach
pulmicort-sinus/chest
sinus rinse
nebulizer
cholestyramine- stomach
hyoscamine- stomach
occipital nerve block- injection into my brain once a month

am:
400mg ketocanazole
40mg protonix
50mg cozar
10 ml arixstra
125mcg synthroid
500mg calcium
1000 iu vitamin c
25 mg phrenegan
cranberry supplement

pm:
folic acid
500mg calcium
1000mg vitamin d
20mg doxepin
10mg zyrtec
400mg ketocanazole
25mg phrenegan
5mg melatonin
25mg topomax (which will be bumped up next week)
acididopholous

think im on enough?
i will be adding fosamax into the mix in a few weeks, once the topomax has had some time to kick in and we see if there are any side effects, and then i have to find some fish oil and flax seed oil to add in to my med mix... yay.

im like a walking pharmacy.

i print out this list and give it to the dr every time i go. it's so much easier than remembering it all. i also have it saved on my phone so i can just pull it up that way. its important, as a cush, to always have a copy of your med list with you, the drs wont always believe you. i also wear a medical id bracelet with 'cushings disease, factor 5 lieden' on one side, and the other ' risk of adrenal crisis. allergies: sulfa, latex, penicillin, levothyroxine'. my friend amanda got it for me, and i havent taken it off since i got it... except for my MRIs. i think im ordering one for my friend. hes not liking the fact that hes going to need one, so i suggested we get matching ones... kind of like best friend bracelets, cheesy i know but... i am all about the freaking cheese!!

so yeah. its important to keep a record of all your meds. i also carry around a list of all my drs and how to contact them. this way, everyone's in the know. it's easier that way. i have that list on my phone, too.

i think ive been on a gamut of different pain killers. i cant take vics- they make me hallucinate. i cant take percs they make me pukey. morphine works, but they wont prescribe that, and yet they prescribe dilauded which is 10xs stronger. i hate taking pain killers. hate it. i dont like the way they make me feel. dilauded always dopes me up and i end up having an out of body experience... its crazy. the only thing i like taking is the tylenol. it usually helps, except last night. the headache i had was KILLER! im thinking its because of my contact lens. i really need to get a new script but... i dont know if insurance covers it. maybe ill call today and see whats what.

so yeah. today is 4/20. and while some of my friends are getting lit or getting drunk... i am planning ways to get high on life. or id like to if i didnt feel like such garbage.

i felt so good yesterday. well, sort of. my heart felt good, well, good and sad. i went to that adoption and it was beautiful. i got to see my favorite family, watch one of my favorite old clients get adopted, saw some of my old coworkers, hung out around the courthouse, spend some time in juvenile probation... and yet... i just wanted to cry. hard. some happy tears yes but.... idk. did i miss it? did i miss my job? i do NOT miss the people i worked with, ok, a few people i miss, but those people i spend time with so... im not missing out. and im in touch with the foster families that i bonded with so i have that... i just... i dont know. maybe it's because i thought i KNEW what i was meant to be doing with my life and now... now i just have no clue.

janice came to the house yesterday, leilas house, to meet with our girl. and she didnt know how sick i was. and i told her. and she was like wow. and she said that she was meant to be there, with me, at that very moment. and that theres a reason im here. and i know that. im meant to be here, i just.. i dont know what that reason is. maybe its to keep others going. maybe its to encourage and to love and to keep making a difference. maybe its to write a book... alot of people have been suggesting the book thing to me...

i just feel like im starting to fall into a dark place, and this time its harder to crawl back out of it. i know its the cushings that's doing it, but, that doesnt make it any easier to crawl out of.

part of me thinks its because im so tired. and part of the reason im so tired is because the keto got bumped up so my body is trying to get used to it again, or used to the new dosage and the time of day im taking it.

i dont know. oh right. i was writing about being high on life.

i need to be reikied. seriously.
maybe ill play with the chakras.
do some meditation
buy a pendulum

id love to go out today, but i dont think driving alone is such a good idea at the moment. maybe i need to eat something. but my stomach is back to being on the fritz so im afraid to eat something. oh life... <3


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