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Saturday, April 21, 2012

day 21... must love... doctors?

some people say they don't know how i do it... go to the doctors so much.

well, i don't now, but at the beginning, hell, for most of this journey, i was going to one a week, some days id have 3-4 a DAY, let alone in a week. most ever in a day? 7. in philly. it was kinda fun though. met a reeeeeaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyy sexy cardiovascular guy. he was yummy. and he had jokes. and he said hed visit me in the hospital. i didnt believe him. but... there he was. in jeans. in my hospital room. on his day off. because he wanted to check on me...

anyway... i could have a hatred for doctors, seeing how no one wanted to listen to me. i was told i was fat. or it was all in my head. or i was fat AND crazy. but... as we now know, that wasn't the case. finally someone listened, it took a broken foot and some hardcore blood clotting for someone to listen, but hey, at least someone listened, right?

i loved my internist. id use names but, idk if hed get in trouble. so anyway, he was fantastic. he and his PA were always researching cushings, drs, medications, treatments, anything and everything they could to help me. when i was having a meltdown, i could call their office and be seen. one of them would sit with me and talk with me and help me. they were wonderful.

my first neurologist, he was alright. i only saw him once. and then he sent me off right away to my first surgeon. im sure he didnt know what a douchebag he would be. we sure as hell didnt.

we liked the first surgeon. we TRUSTED the first surgeon. we hung on his every word. we didnt know any better. he said right away. he said emergency. he siad id go blind if we waited. so ok. we did it. we went for it. how were we supposed to know he was going to do it wrong? he said going blind was a risk if i DIDNT have the surgery, not a risk of the surgery itself!!! we listened to him... and he screwed us.

we listened to him when he sent us to his brother in law as an endocrinologist. his brother in law who told me i didnt have cushings. his brother in law who said i needed to stop eating. his brother in law who told me that there was no way i had cushings and my cortisol levels didnt make sense to him. his brother in law who was a fucking piece of shit and i hope he gets run over by a fucking elephant!!!

and then this first surgeon said i needed radiation. so i went to my eye specialist. oh, hes wonderful. the first surgeon hooked me up with him since he fucking made me blind. and this specialist is a godsend. top 10 in the country. anyway, he said no. no way. no how. he said i needed a second opinion. so he sent me to philly. he sent me to thomas jefferson. and i adored my second surgeon. he was wonderful. he IS wonderful. his nurses are wonderful. he took the time to get to know me, my family, everything. became a part of my life. which i think is important. and then i needed a new endocrinologist. so he recommended one.

and then i told my internist i needed a new endocrinologist. and he recommended one. and he hadnt spoken to my new surgeon, but they recommended the same one. done. awesome

and he is. my endo is freakin fabulous! i love him. he laughs with us. eases our minds, and not just about endo stuff, about all stuff. stomach stuff, neuro stuff, psych stuff, cancer stuff, all stuff. and he's awesome. and he gets back to you.

and then i had to get a new internist. thanks medical assistance. i had to leave the dr who saved my life. freaking awesome. did that near kill me? you betcha. but he recommended a dr for me. and i like my new dr. hes good. hes recommended. but i do miss my other guy. he was like family :(

my hematologist rocks. he calls me back himself. and he fights my insurance company when they dont want to cover things. "this medication will save her life. do you want her death on your head? i didnt think so" love him :)

my otolaryngologist rocks too. i met him because of my second surgery. he takes good care of me. love my sinus rinse samples- that shits expensive! and he laughs. and reads my charts. and keeps up to date with me. says im the poster child for transphenoidal sinus surgery.

i have a new neurologist and he's freakin sweet. he talks fast and has an accent, but that's ok, because he tells you that and then tells you to tell him to slow down. he asks questions. he takes notes. he laughs with you. he did some test to me and since it made me laugh, he did it to rae too. which made her laugh. i made him drop his pen. it was a good trip. and he said hell run whatever tests i want to ease my anxiety.

and then theres my therapist. i love her. she is amazing. and i wouldnt want to have my head shrunk by anyone else. ive seen other shrinks before, but ive never felt as comfortable with anyone as i do with her. hell, some days i spend most of our visit in her bathroom, and thats ok. i can text her while im in there if need be. maybe thats gross to some, but... we just have that kind of relationship.

thats what i like. all my doctors talk. they all read my charts. they keep in touch with each other. they know all about whats going on with me and they fill each other in. they keep ME in the loop. they genuinely care. when i had my surgery, they called my house. they called my parents to check on me, they called to check on my parents... that means something. that says something. where are you going to find care like that?

i make friends wherever i go, it's just what i do. theres a joke, wheres your entourage? because i always have a ton of people with me. my first surgery- i knew all the nurses. one of them would bring me vegetables from her garden. the dietary guy would leave snacks for my friends in the fridge on my floor. he also brought his pastor to pray with me the day of my surgery AND the day of his daughters wedding, came in his tux so i could see him. i had a nurse bring me in pictures of her daughters because my sister and i reminded her of them.

my second surgery i had nurse dan who was constantly making jokes with me. my doctors would laugh with me.

my old blood lab... me and those girls were BONDED. and even the lab i go to now, its, hey nicole. they know who i am. its all good. i do miss my kelkel. we keep in touch though. and she loves my family. and they love her.

THAT is how i do it. i make sure to LOVE who i see. who i HAVE to see. if im going to be in a longterm relationship with someone, i want to at least like them :)

so thats what i do. i bond with them. find common ground. cross boundaries. i probably shouldn't know my drs backgrounds or their personal lives or have their cellphone numbers, but i do. and i think that's ok...

maybe that's one of the things i like most about myself, what i liked about me as a social worker. i didnt mind crossing boundaries. people needed to know that i cared. that i do care. and that's ok.

love does conquer all you know. ill never stop believing that. never

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