day 19

i was going to write about how ive started to get used to being alone. and i have. i mean, id rather have an awesome social life, or spend time with my friends who seem to have forgotten that i exist....

or i could write about how im discovering that im the friend of convenience, that im only good enough for some people when THEY need something... or they need their egos boosted....

and how ive been so scared the past two weeks and felt so helpless and yet... no ones really asked if im ok... (and when i say no one, there have been 4) and people DO know that im going through something. a big something. and yet... silence.

and i could tell you how yesterday, i heard from people i didnt expect to hear from, which was a nice suprise, but the people i expected to hear from and wanted to hear from... i havent...

and i could tell you how it hurts my heart. and how i've pretty much stopped speaking to alot of people. and if they want to pursue our friendship, it's all them.

and i could tell you that once you get used to being alone, it's really not all bad.

i could go on and on and on about that... but i wont.

nope. today.... today is going to be a beautiful day. it's going to be a day full of sunshine and smiles and happy tears.

today feels like a wonderful day for adoption!

i worked for 4 years as a social worker, and today, one of my absolute favorite kids is being adopted by her foster home. her absolutely incredible foster family has kept in touch with me when i got sick, and all the year/months after. i was invited to the adoption today, so how could i say no?

this family welcomed me with open arms as i started coming to their house. the love they shared with one another was beautiful. just walking into their home you felt loved... it was like walking into my own home.

sure, i probably crossed the boundaries. i used their bathroom. i played outside with the kids. i ate dinner there. i went to her husbands funeral, and then to their house after... but whatever. i think social workers SHOULD care. i think we make a bigger difference when we do.

i havent been able to return to work, dont know if i ever will again, but they have kept tabs on me. made me feel like i mattered. still invite me to things for the kids, and to dinner... even though the last time i was supposed to go to dinner i got so sick i couldnt go, and ended up in bed for 3 days. and you know what she said? dont worry. well always be here and we love you. get better.

its nice to not have people get mad at me when im too sick to do something or i need to cancel plans because i get sick. those type of people are few and far between.

but anyway... today is a beautiful day to watch a family come together :)