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Sunday, April 8, 2012

challenge day 8...i have been reborn

HAPPY CUSHINGS AWARENESS DAY!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

hmm... this year they coincide...

coincidence? maybe... but... im gonna take it a step further...

'On the third day he rose again from the dead'.

On my third surgery, they said i would be ok.

Jesus promised us a life of happiness, love, strength, courage and smiles... But we have to BELIEVE. He never said that we wouldn't have to go through trials and tribulations. In fact, I believe the trials and tribulations help strengthen us and make us appreciate things more.

I could sit here and look at my disease as a curse and the worst thing that has ever happened to me... but I don't. Why should I?
ok. so they shaved my head.
they hacked my skull
made me blind in one eye
i gained all this weight
my memory sucks
i trip over my words
i have headaches that can last for days
i get out of breath
my bones are wearing away
i may have occipital neuralgia
i have ptsd, anxiety and panic disorder
im in menopause
i may never be able to have kids
im stuck in a body i dont like
i have days (like today) where i just want to spend the day throwing up
i barely sleep
i have hot flashes like whoa
and if im not sweating like a whore in church, im freezing

but...
i still smile.
i still have a GREAT smile
i still believe in the good of mankind
i still have sight in one eye
i still laugh
i still make bracelets
i still love
i still try and make other people happy
i still encourage others

ive learned that by still maintaining that part of myself- the good- that it makes me stronger.

sure, i could let all of that bad stuff make me miserable. and i can sit around playing the victim card but... im not a victim. maybe a victim of idiot doctors, and poor decisions but... im a survivor. ive been given another chance at life, and you best believe im going to make the most of it.

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